THE DAY MY COAT STUCK ON MY HEAD

Inside the cloakroom that famous day
I pulled the zip a little way.
But it got trapped just as I started
And though I pulled, it never parted.
The thing was jammed, it wouldn’t budge,
I called for help, in teacher trudged.
I knew I should have stayed in bed,
The day my coat stuck on my head.

The teacher tugged and wriggled in vain
Then wriggled and tugged and wriggled again.
The blasted thing just wouldn’t shift,
So he grabbed the collar ready to lift
And with a huge and sudden tug
The hole just stopped around my lugs.
I had this sense of terrible dread,
The day my coat stuck on my head.

The hole was small, my head is not
Which thickened up this awful plot
My friend, Lorraine, began to titter
If I could’ve seen, I might have hit her
Instead I ran out of the school
No longer seen as someone cool
My face it glowed a sunset red
The day my coat stuck on my head.

The world was dark, I couldn’t see
Why was this happening to me?
I heard the voice of our Headmaster
Which made my legs run even faster
Until a lamp-post blocked my route
I saw planets jump and new stars shoot
I really thought that I was dead
The day my coat stuck on my head.

An ambulance soon upon the scene
The medics in their shiny green
Cut off the coat in seconds flat
The thing in ruins, fancy that.
When I got home my mum went mad
She said that I’d been really bad
For supper just some old dry bread
The day my coat stuck on my head.