Dancing With Myself: JEDIDIAH AYRES interviews JEDIDIAH AYRES

Come watch cream rising to the top:

10 questions for Nigel Bird’s site. Take One:

What?

I don’t know.

Why?

Because.

When?

Always.

Where?

Everywhere.

Who?

Me.

How many questions is that?

Six.

Isn’t it five?

Seven.

Can you even count?

Yes.

So how many?

Nine.

What?

See my first answer.





Take Two. Redux:

Arighty, are you ready to “dance with yourself?”

Somebody once made me a compilation of masturbation songs. That’s always been my favorite.

The Billie Idol song?

No. Masturbation.

Ah. Are you any good at it?

About on par with my writing.

Yes, and how do you tell the difference?

One’s a whole lot more satisfying.

Which one would that be?

(wags finger) I don’t kiss and tell.

Wait. By Kiss and tell are you suggesting that you can (whispers) kiss yourself?

That’s not what I came to discuss.

What did you come to discuss?

Whatever you were asking that wasn’t about my sex life.

Fine. What would you say your greatest weakness is?

Lack of strength.

Are you kidding?

No. Dude, you’re at like nine questions again, don’t waste the last one.

Okay, asshole, what would you most like to improve?

My sex life.




Take Three. Once more into the breech:

(sigh) Why do you think you were even asked to participate in this series?

Wait. There’s a series?

Sure. You and a bunch of other writers are posting “self interviews” here for Nigel.

(under his breath) Son of a bitch.

And, that wasn’t a question. I still have nine more to go.

Okay.

Same, of course with that last bit. The pitch of my voice didn’t go up at the end of the thought. It was a statement, not a question. As is this. And I’m not going to ask if you understand me, I’m just going to assume you do. You are very difficult to get along with, has anyone ever told you that?

Are we counting that one?

Actually, yes. Not what I’m saying now, though. Please answer the question.

Sure, I’d say -

And ‘please answer the question’ is a directive, not interrogative.

Yes. I used to hear that a fair amount.

Please clarify which statement you were responding to.

I used to hear, fairly often, that I was very difficult to get along with.

Used to?

As in, not anymore.

Huh. Why do you think that is?

(shrugs).

Okay, that does not count as an answer, so I am not counting the question.

Y’know what? Fuck this. I’m just gonna go to some respectable author’s site and copy the questions out of the FAQ section.


TEN WRITTEN QUESTIONS FOR JEDIDIAH AYRES

1.When’s the next book coming out?

I don’t know. Soon, I hope.

2.What is the order of the Myron Bolitar novels?

I’m really not sure.

3.Will you write another Myron Bolitar novel?

I haven’t ever written one, but if I were asked to and there was decent money involved? Absolutely.

4.Where and when were you born?

Topeka Kansas. January.

5.Where did you go to school?

Kansas, Colorado & Arkansas. Grade schools.

6.Are any of the characters based on real people in your life?

Yeah. Based on. Which means, ‘not representative of” but based on, sure.

7.Where do you get your ideas?

Movies.

8.What about the books PLAY DEAD and MIRACLE CURE? Did you write those?

No.

9.What’s up with Hollywood? Any word on movies or TV shows based on the books?

What is up with Hollywood? No. No word. And again, I’m not sure which books you’re referring to. I haven’t had any published under my own name yet and I sure as hell hope no one knows about the early pseudononymous stuff. But, I do have some original scripts that get sniffed around some. Here’s hoping.

10.Will you come talk at our school, library, conference, etc?

Wow, that’s sweet of you. I’d be happy to if circumstances permit and if I feel I have anything to say, but that kind of lightening can’t be conjured at will.

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